ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
