why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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