I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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