he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize