just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
