My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
