This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
