when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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