I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
