Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
