she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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