So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
