i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
