I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
