R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
