I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
