What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
