well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
