I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
