Who did Billy Mays play for?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
