Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Alive.
So much puke
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
