so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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