It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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