Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
