I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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