She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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