Say something about gay babies.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize