He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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