I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
