i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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