you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
