I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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