What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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