New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize