I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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