just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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