real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's Friday. Sex?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
