My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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