my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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