Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
