nut hugger
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize