as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
