I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
