you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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