she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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