you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize