worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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