I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
