thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
