she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
