I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
