So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
