my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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