dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You are a genius and a whore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
