I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
