Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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