Can i not drive my cunt home
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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