Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
