my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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