Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
