i just wanna soil my oats bro
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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