you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't put those talents on a resume
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
