You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
