Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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