my phone needs a breathalizer
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
